Grimes’ Workout Routine Involves Screaming and Sword Fighting

Grimes’ latest campaign for Stella McCartney’s fall 2019 collection garnered a significant amount of attention this week. The musician appears in a series of stylized shots promoting the brand’s eco-friendly ethos, in collaboration with adidas.

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“Grimes is the perfect embodiment of the adidas by Stella McCartney core values,” McCartney wrote on Instagram. “She is passionate and outspoken about protecting the planet, and a true trailblazer for pushing creative boundaries and inspiring women to unlock their potential in all aspects of their lives.”

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Related | Grimes and Our Impending Technological Submission

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To further promote the campaign, the artist shared the images on her Instagram in addition to her supposed workout routine, except it appeared to stem straight out of a sci-fi flick from 2100.

Stella McCartney on Instagram: “We are excited to unveil our adidas by Stella McCartney campaign, as trailblazing artist @Grimes shouts loud for change in our sustainable…”

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“My training is a 360 approach. I first maintain a healthy cellular routine where I maximize the function of my mitochondria with supplements such as NAD+, Acetyl L-Carnitine, Magnesium, etc,” Grimes wrote on Instagram. “This helps promote ATP and it’s incredibly visceral. From that point I spend 2-4 hours in my deprivation tank, this allows me to ‘astro-glide’ to other dimensions – past, present, and future. In the afternoons I do a 1-2 hour sword fighting session with my trainer, James Lew, we go over the fundamentals that work the obliques, core stabilizes, and triceps as well as a few tricks. To wind down from this I spend 30-45 minutes on an inclined hike at roughly 4-4.5 miles per hour, arguably the most efficient workout.”

MISS ANTHROPOCENE on Instagram: “ADIDAS: Tell us about ur training regiment ? GRIMES: My training is a 360 approach. I first maintain a healthy cellular routine where I…”

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She continued: “I then spend 45 minutes stretching before heading into the studio where my mind and body are functioning at peak level, with a neuroplastic goal between 57.5 and 71.5 AphC’s (which is my preferred range for my blood type). I’ve outfitted my studio with the highest grade of red light. It is pretty much 1000 sqf IR Sauna. Hana then comes over and we do a screaming session for 20-25 minutes while I slow boil the honey tea that maximizes vocal proficiency. I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression.”

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To go to sleep, however, it seems the musician turns to an object from the present times. “I go to bed with a humidifier on,” she said, followed by the hashtag #GentrifyMordor, as a reference to J.R.R Tolkien’s fictional realm from The Lord of the Rings.

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So the only real question is, when is Grimes joining us on Area 51?

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Photo via Instagram

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